'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
except the neighbors with their hammering away.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
with strangers at the window smoking away. And me
in hopes that they would go away.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of cat-nip toys danced in their heads;
And Ashley in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen rain,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a lush yelling into the streets asking to be hit
by a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little sigh so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be some guy the name of Dick.

More rapid than eagles police started to come,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, #@&%?! now, &(%$%! now *@&/%$% and &*(%^*%!
On, ^%*$@! on, C@#%! on, @#$%@ and @#$%%!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, upon the street;
So up to the freeway the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of pepper spray, and the hobo too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the road
The prancing and pawing of each little wheel.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the staircase gawkers came with a bound.
They was dressed all in Pj's, from head to foot,
And their clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of smartphones they had ready to use,
And they looked like a bunch of tourist all in a pack.

Their eyes twinkled! Their dimples, how merry!
Their cheeks were like roses, and noses like a cherry!
With little mouths was drawn up like a bows,
And the beards on their chins were as big as a bush;
The stump of a pipe held tight in their teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled their heads like a wreath;
They had a broad faces and a little round bellies
That shook when they laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
They were high as a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw them, in spite of myself;
A squint of their eyes and a twist of their heads
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
They spoke not a word, but went straight back upstairs,
And filed all the together and commented on the jerk,,
And giving each other a nod up as they rose;

I sprang back to bed, and gave a small whistle,
And away I reflected back on the bustle.
But I exclaimed with full examination,
“Man its another crazy night in the big city!”